Christmas Tree Bailout

By Sebe Ziesler

I was sitting in front of my computer as I do most every morning checking the latest news headlines: bankruptcy, foreclosure, fraud, economic woes, and bailouts - the deluge was unending and numbing. Bailout, bailout - my morning latte must have been made with beans low on caffeine. Bailout. It finally hit me "Where is MY bailout"? I bought a new GM vehicle this year, I have an adjustable rate mortgage, and my 401K is more or less worthless. Don't I qualify for a handout from the federal printing press?

Let me tell you, the answer for once was YES! This year I got a bailout from the feds in the form of a $10 permit from the US Forest Service office in Heber, entitling the holder to cut down a Christmas tree in the national forest. Granted, the permits are more scarce than a Wii at Walmart, but if you are lucky enough to get a permit, the experience is one you won't ever forget.

Friday night my wife and I hovered over the computer screen, looking at Google satellite maps, trying to find the best area for potential tree cutting. Saturday morning we loaded up the car: snowshoes, poles, rope, tarp, snow shovel, axe, saw, bungee cords, extra jackets, extra gloves, extra boots, backpack filled with two days worth of rations, not to mention the baby carrier backpack and all the assorted baby gear for our 1-year old. Overkill? Maybe, but you can't help yourself when you are excited. We pulled out of the garage before 8 a.m. which is pretty much a record for us. Permit? Check. Baby? Check. All the gear? Check. We were on our way over to Kamas, then Woodland, and then up highway 35 to our secret spot. Forty-five minutes later we pulled off the road next to a promising area. It wasn't the exact spot that we had picked the night before so there was a bit of arguing about whether to stay put or keep on driving. In the end we figured the parking spot had a low probability of getting stuck, which, when taking into account the baby, is more important than finding the ideal tree.

Snowshoes? Not needed. Extra jackets? Not needed. We started hiking up the hill in sunny weather through only four to six inches of snow. I had Blake in the backpack and my wife was carrying the tarp for dragging out the tree. We saw several tracks in the snow looking suspiciously like trees being dragged down the hill. I guess our "secret" spot was anything but. We quickly hiked past all of the close trees thinking they had been well picked over and started towards the next ridge. After twenty minutes or so, I looked back and thought, "Uh-oh, where's my wife?" Note to self: never ditch a pregnant woman in the woods. She caught back up after a few minutes by following my tracks in the snow, but boy did I get an earful! We finally found a promising area. The trees weren't packed in too densely and were all within the right height range. Our only concern was whether or not we were looking at spruce or fir trees - you aren't supposed to cut spruce trees. We narrowed down our choice to three promising candidates and decided on the second tree even though it was the smallest of the three. The backpack camping saw made quick work of felling the tree and the tarp was large enough to wrap up the tree like a big football. The trek straight downhill went much quicker than our meandering ascent had and after loading the tree on the roof of the car we headed home, stopping at the corner store in Francis for a quick sandwich.

Later that afternoon we set up the tree in our living room and were amazed to see that the tree cleared the 12-foot ceiling beam by only a couple of inches. We didn't even measure but had just lucked out. I guess it was a good thing we picked the smallest tree! The tree looks great in our house and we haven't had any Chevy Chase antics with squirrels or other critters inhabiting the tree boughs. Our Christmas tree outing was one we won't forget. It was much better than driving to a parking lot to pick a tree or going to one of those "cut your own" Christmas tree farms. And what about any potential guilt about cutting down a beautiful living tree from the national forest? (As if the executives on Wall Street feel any guilt for taking the bailout!) Well technically speaking, our tree was a branch growing out of a stump. The branch had curved upwards to become a new tree as the original tree was cut twenty years prior. Perhaps in another twenty years a twig growing out of the new stump will curve upwards to become another perfect Christmas tree for someone else.